Monday, 15 October 2012

Nobody Expects an American Inquisition

Lee the passport control guy looked as bored as I was excited. After a nine hour Virgin Atlantic flight, five months of planning and approximately fifty word doc pages worth of emails, Leah and I had MADE IT to O'Hare passport control in Chicago, our gateway into the States and the starting point of the greatest ever American adventure to have happened in the history of 2012.

'What are you doin' here ma'am?'

'HELLO! I'M TRAVELLING,' Too enthusiastic. Calm it down, start again. 'My friend and I are here for a couple of months seeing the country.'

'Uhhhhh huh,' he flips idly though my well-used passport, gently stroking the stamps from Dubai and South Africa. He reminds me of Lenny from Of Mice and Men. He looks bewildered at my Indian visa, 'and what do you do for a job... Ehhhhbah?'.

As of last Monday, nothing. I am funemployed and spunking money on journeying across the land of the brave and free, seeing the whole shebang from sea to shining sea. Buffalo, New York, Graceland, Salem, New Orleans, Hawaii, in one three-month gulp. I can't tell Lee this though. He looks bored enough to embark on a full-on interrogation. So I show him some teeth and get creative with the truth. 'I work in the media.'

Nearly true. He looks unsure. I can see him thinking of more questions to ask me. We both wait in anticipation. Eventually he gives up, scans my fingerprints, takes a snap of my face and waves me through.

Welcome to America.

1 comment:

  1. They should NOT have let disreputable characters such as yourself into their country. Heaven knows what kind of INFIDEL ACTIVITIES you are likely to PROPAGATE during your SORDID SOJOURN in the US. One SHIVERS TO THINK of the MORAL CARNAGE you will be sowing in our former colony.